No Regrets
by Eve Levine
Summary: "Tara really likes Will. She might love him, just a little bit. She wonders if she's got enough room in her chest to squeeze him in next to Jax." A college romance, because Tara deserves more love in her lost years, than just Agent Kohn. Tara/OC with a little bit of Jax thrown into the mix.
1. Prologue: Junior Year

_Author's Note- All of these characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I own nothing. _

_I've had this OC college boyfriend of Tara's rattling around in my head for ages now. He's been at the center of an unfinished fic and a jumbled outline, collecting dust on my computer. __I've run out of time in my personal life, so I'm going to experiment with a drabble fic, written fast and loose, with short chapters and a possibly non-linear timeline. Maybe if I can put this one out in bits and pieces, and hit the story milestones in a 1000 words or less, I can actually get it done._

_This one is for **Noriffic** and **kclynne**._

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><p><em>PROLOGUE:<em>

Tara groans as she rolls over. Last night is a haze of too much vodka and not enough sleep. It's way too early to be up, and way too early to face the series of questionable decisions leading to this brutal headache. She lifts her head a little and opens one bleary eye. She finds a merry string of the Grateful Dead's bears dancing across her pillow.

Tara grins. This is not her bed. She would never get so far behind on laundry that she'd use band t-shirts as pillowcases. No, this is Will's bed, and waking up here on Sunday morning has become a regular thing.

A very regular thing.

There's a large glass of water and a couple of Advil waiting for her on the table next to the bed. Will must have put them there after she passed out. She gratefully pops the pain killers and drinks down the entire glass, before slipping out of bed. She grabs her panties and a discarded Pink Floyd t-shirt from the top of Will's dresser.

Will is sleeping face down, his arms curled around his pillow, the sheets riding low on his slim hips, and Tara takes a moment to drink in the tanned planes of his back. There's a large tribal sun inked between his shoulder blades and Tara finds herself wanting to trace its rays with her fingers. Will's athletic, built like runner, all lean muscle and endless energy. He is always in motion, always running off to the mountains, or the ocean, and always looking for the next adventure. Tara appreciates the stamina that gives him. She never has to worry when she gets his pants off, if Will can keep up with her. And this morning, as she stretches, Tara's pleased to find she's sore in all the right places.

Tara heads into the bathroom to brush her teeth and check out the damage in the mirror. Her mascara is smudged around her eyes. Eventually she'll have to start listening to her cousin Sue and take her makeup off before she passes out, but she kind of digs the look, with her smoky eyes, tousled hair, and her boyfriend's over-sized shirt.

That thought sends an odd, guilty, thrill up her spine. They've been friends since her freshman year, dating off and on for about a year, and completely exclusive for the last few months, but it still startles Tara to think of anyone except Jax as her boyfriend.

Will is stirring as she makes her way back to his bed. He rolls over and rubs his face as he stretches. "Morning," he mumbles, and lifts his arm so Tara can slide right in next to him and lay her head on his shoulder. "The surf is supposed to be amazing today. I'm thinking of heading out there after breakfast. You should come."

"I can't." Tara admits. "I've got a huge test tomorrow. I have to study."

"So, bring it with you." He suggests. He usually gets her this way. She has spent many weekends at the beach with her books spread out around her, while he surfed, or maybe even studied next to her. It is bliss, but she never gets as much done as she wants, as she's always lured into the waves by Will's wide smile, and dark laughing eyes.

"I really can't. Not today. I can't have any distractions."

"Oh, come on. You know you want to." He wheedles. "No regrets, right?" He asks. It's Will's motto. His desire to live every moment to its fullest, but at the moment he's using it on her to get his way.

"You're a terrible influence." She accuses smiling, and Will's mouth gapes open in mock outrage.

"Me? I'm the bad influence? I had to take the bottle away from you last night. You were trying to out-drink guys twice you're weight."

"That was Saturday night," Tara shrugs, as if the obvious shouldn't have to be stated. "But now it's Sunday morning, and bio-chem is waiting for me."

"Oh whatever, I've got a paper due too, but I'm not wasting my day. I'm gonna tear through it once the sun sets."

Tara rolls her eyes. Will keeps changing his major between various humanities. Regardless of his current major, his classes often seem like they're way easier than hers. "I have to memorize this stuff. I can't just bullshit my way through a position paper."

"Yeah, I guess." He smiles and pulls her closer. "But maybe I'm not bullshitting. Maybe I'm just that good."

"Maybe…" She echoes and snuggles in closer.

"Why did you go pre-med anyway?" Will asks as he runs his hands along Tara's back.

"I've always been good at science." Tara deflects.

Will snorts and smiles. "Yeah that's what you _always_ say. What's the real reason?"

Tara slides out of his arms and sits up, her teasing contentment shrinking into something much cagier. She scoots towards the edge of his bed, kicking free of the sheets trying to bunch around her legs, taking the hair tie off of her wrist and pulling her hair up and away from her face.

"_Momma, wake up." _

"Why would you pick a major that has you rushing out of my bed at nine o'clock on a Sunday morning?" He's kidding, but Tara can tell it perplexes him that she won't ever give him a straight answer.

He reaches lazily for her hand. Tara avoids his fingers by raising her arms and feigning a stretch. She needs to be free of all entanglements and distractions before she answers him.

"_Momma… Mommy!"_

If she decides to answer him.

Tara really likes Will. Is starting to think she loves him, just a little bit, especially in these early morning moments when the sun hits his messy brown curls and turns them a deep burning red. She wonders if she has enough room in her chest to squeeze him in next to Jax.

Jax would already know why she chose pre-med, Tara thinks. She wouldn't have to answer the question.

Tara closes her eyes and tries to banish Jax from the moment. _"The outer wall of the human heart is composed of three layers."_ She thinks, reciting a line from her text-book and breaking her heart down to its anatomy. It's easier that way, when she thinks of her heart as an organ pumping blood through her body, and not the heavy spot under her ribs, that aches whenever she thinks about the people and the life she left in Charming.

Tara bites her lip as she shakes her head, because there is nothing simple about the human heart. It's been three years since she drove out of Charming to carve her own path, one year since she's last seen Jax, and more than six months since she's heard his voice. Her phone never rings at two in the morning anymore. Their choices have left them on opposite ends of California and in completely different worlds. Tara is finishing her Bachelor's Degree while Jax is pacing a cage in Stockton. If she gets accepted, she'll be in med-school halfway across the country before his first parole hearing.

And maybe it's time to let Jax go.


	2. Chapter 1: The First Summer

_Author's Note- All of these characters belong to Kurt Sutter. I own nothing. _

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed, marked this as a favorite, or followed. Fair warning: this fic may end up jumping around in time._

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><p><em>CHAPTER 1: SUMMER BEFORE FRESHMAN YEAR <em>

Tara reads the same sentence four times and still it doesn't stick. She can't concentrate. She slams her book shut and tosses it away from her. Tara's been in San Diego for two months and today she can no longer fight the desire to dial Jax's number. Her breath sucks in as she punches in the numbers and then her heart drops into her belly where it flutters and pounds. If Gemma answers the phone, she'll hang up, but even if she gets Jax, there's no guarantee he'll talk to her. This could end badly and Tara knows it.

On the third ring Tara jumps to her feet and paces with the phone, trying to walk off the energy cart wheeling through her. Leaving was the right decision. Things are good at Cousin Sue's house, better than she could have hoped. Classes will be starting soon. Tara can see her possibilities, her potential, and her future taking a tangible shape. She's no longer dealing with the whispering, curling smoke of a pipe dream. She's going to learn something, accomplish something, and be somebody. She's not going to end up like Gemma.

But today she needs to hear his voice. She doesn't think she can keep moving forward in a reality where she'll never hear it again. They can't be together, not with the distance, not with the club and his mother standing firmly between them, but he can't just be gone either.

"Yeah?" Jax answers the phone. There's a smile in his voice, like he's having a good time, and Tara doesn't want to ruin it. She doesn't want to be the person who steals the smile out of his voice. Jax's easy grin has always been something she both craves and never completely trusts, but once she decided years ago she could trust the words behind his smile, it was so easy to fall in love with him.

"Hello?" Jax asks, and this time he sounds impatient. He's going to hang up if she doesn't say something soon.

"Jax…" She says, and she hears him suck in his breath as the line goes quiet for a moment.

"Tara, where are you?" He asks, and there is something like hope in the way he asks it. Like he thinks she's changed her mind and come home.

"I'm still in San Diego." Tara says and Jax sighs heavily on the other end. "I'm sorry to bug you. I… I just miss you." She admits and waits, not sure if he'll either hang up or keep talking.

"Oh yeah?" He asks, and there it is again, the grin sliding back around his words. "Hang on a second." He says and Tara can hear a familiar shuffling and knows he's stretching the cord and dragging the phone into Gemma's downstairs bathroom. "Sorry about that. Opie's here. He was just telling me about how he laid his bike down yesterday, LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!" Jax hollers the last part for Opie's benefit. There is a thump and laughter, and Opie's muffled, indignant voice coming through the receiver. Tara's pretty sure Jax dropped the phone.

"No! Don't unplug it. It's Tara!" Jax shouts and the commotion stops. She can hear him settling down and picking up his phone. "You still there?" He asks a little breathless.

"Yeah, I'm here. Jesus, is Opie hurt?"

"Nah, he's fine. He's got a little gravel in his ass, but that's about it." Jax says, and then having run out of distractions, the quiet between them stretches. Jax breaks it first.

"Oh, and Tara… I miss you too."

After the first call, it gets easier. Tara spends many nights on the phone with Jax, catching up, burning through calling cards, feeling like nothing has changed, and knowing enough not to trust that feeling. Most of the time, Tara lays flat on the floor of her room, her feet propped on her bed, and smiling into the receiver.

They are very careful not to talk about her leaving Charming. Jax only brings it up once. The night the club celebrates Opie and Donna's engagement, he calls her drunk, the edges of his words lazy from the alcohol and messy with his emotions.

"Why can't that be us?" He asks her and Tara's heart finds new ways to break because nothing has changed, and she has to tell him no. She won't quit school and come home.

They talk until dawn. Her tears sneak quietly out of her eyes and run backwards to hide by her ears, leaving the hair by her temples damp after she hangs up the phone.

He never asks her to come home again.


End file.
